I had my third chemo treatment yesterday morning. I was all
geared up for my steroid high—planning my walk, making dinner for Amanda,
enjoying my light-feeling body and almost pain free ankle. After the first two
treatments, I had a great appreciation for why athletes love steroids!!
However, it was not to be. I staggered out of CancerCare on rubber chicken legs
holding Jacki’s arm! At home, I couldn’t keep my eyes open and fell into a
restless, semi-sleepy state over a bolster for the duration of the afternoon. I
couldn’t believe how deprived of that steroid boost I felt! Luckily, a very
good dinner picked me up. This morning I am happy to say that some steroid
effect is still in my system so will head out for a walk today. Do laundry…love
Dexamethazone! (A little parody on “love life, do yoga”) but not less yogic for
that.
The day before treatment, I saw my oncologist, Dr. Brandes.
He asked me if my chemotherapy experience was worse or better than I expected.
I had to (reluctantly) admit that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be SO
FAR (hoping for a meaningful emphasis) and I was hoping he would tell me if I
could expect a lot worse or different symptoms, etc. as treatments proceeded. I
said that there was some anxiety about not knowing. He said that he couldn’t
and muttered something about funny things can happen, people have different
experiences, blah, blah. Well, I thought, life in chemo-land is like life
everywhere, uncertain. His comment was honest and just the thing no one likes
to hear; the kind of comment that makes “alternative” medicine appeal to people
because those “docs” are always so certain. Too bad they are also almost always
wrong. Humans hate uncertainty. But, it is one of the most powerful forces in
our lives. I’d like to think that I’m developing some equanimity about it!
Brandes has ordered a CT scan for just before my next
treatment because he said: “Well your blood work doesn’t show me anything. All
your numbers are good, excellent in fact. And, I want to know what is going on
in this area we are treating.” Fine, I say. What’s a little more radioactivity?
Bring it on!!” He looked surprised and then laughed. I like to keep my doctors
on their toes and happy. I feel it is the least I can do…
Last week I managed to conduct a Level I assessment for
Janine, part of which took place at the Friday morning class. How wonderful it
was to be in the studio with everyone and doing something positive for our
collective yoga life. Janine passed with flying colors, by the way!
Congratulations are in order.
I also attended the first session of the Cancer Class. I
introduced the class and then Regan took over the instruction with our trusty
helpers Arlene and Erika. Erika and I had fun helping a woman with a very bad
back, who couldn’t get up and down off the floor and used a walker. With her
permission, Erika took some photos of her set-ups on her iPhone to remember for
when I wouldn’t be there the following week because it was my chemo treatment.
So, there I am hooked up to toxic drugs through my port,
eating bad cookies and drinking bad coffee (as a break from water) brought by
the volunteers when Jacki’s iPhone goes off with photos from the class and
cryptic messages like: “Look ok?” or “Something's wrong here”; “what about the
arms?” Well, I’m happy to say that they did a great job adjusting the tougher
problems. I am really proud of them—Regan, Arlene and Erika—job well done!
I can feel my “raisin” eyes setting in so that means my time
on the computer is about over for a few hours at least. One of my most annoying
symptoms is dry eyes. Thanks to Guruji, I have an Indian bandage to wrap my
head after putting in eye drops. Thanks to Lauren and Dale Mulhall, I have
wonderful eye drops and gel that Lauren said to only put in at night. I
followed her instructions and good thing too. The gel makes everything really
blurry and opaque but that doesn’t really matter because the extra gel sticks
your lashes shut so you can’t open them anyway! My eyes feel so much better in
the morning. Thanks again.
Thanks to everyone for everything you have done for us and
for all the wonderful cards, emails, etc. Pass the link to the blog around as
it is much easier way for Amanda and I can keep in touch with you all. I can’t
promise to send out a lot of individual emails because it is tiring and, did I
mention my eyes??
Love,
Val
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