Monday, February 24, 2014

Monday update by Amanda

Val: Feb. 23, 2014
Val's hair is growing back, slowly but steadily, and it seems to be red!

I have lit that fire I promised, to encourage Val to produce another post, but to no effect so far. Maybe you could nudge her?

The cats continue to go stir crazy from the persistent cold temperatures

The Olympics are over, so now we'll have to find something else to stream via our iPhones. Maybe we'll set ourselves up for Netflix...

I have only two more classes in my night course; yahoo!

Dad is home from the hospital and, not quite one week into this new reality, both he and Mum are figuring things out. Lots to learn, what with oxygen tubes, new routines and so on. My hat is off to both of them for being so positive about it all.

Off to make morning coffee and head to work. Stay in touch: The immediate crisis is over for us, but the chronic reality of ongoing treatments and energy ups and downs for both Val and me can depress us more than I might care to admit.

 Cheers to you all. Hope you have a good week yourselves....

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Back in a groove by Amanda

First off: Apologies for the lengthy silence. We've been caught up in birthdays, scan results, yoga teaching, my father's state of health, and domestic stuff. But now it's the Saturday of the long weekend, so I am taking the time to check in and catch up on our news. 

Earlier this week, we learned that Val's CT (chest) and MUGA (heart) scans were both clear. That was wonderful to hear, as I had begun to think that our luck couldn't possibly hold out much longer. But it seems to be. Phew!

The previous week was consumed with multiple birthday celebrations for me, all of which were great fun: 
My colleague, Cora, put this on my office
door to mark the day. Most amusing! 
Val, Mendel and me at the dinner
at our favourite Thai restaurant. 


Randa (left) and Yvonne at the dinner at
Randa's house: delicious steaks, followed
by some of our wedding cake for
dessert! 
Yvonne, Val and Susan at the dinner
at Susan's house; David and Belle were
also there - great fun! 



Tulips from Susan - a
spring-time treat in February: Lovely! 
I highly recommend this approach to birthdays! My celebrations stretched out, literally, for an entire week and included greetings arriving in the mail, by email and phone, via text messages and Facebook. Being remembered by friends near and far felt good. Thank you all. Next week is our February birthday get-together at work, so it's not over yet for me!

In other news (as they say),  Val was crazy busy with yoga teaching the week of my birthday. Not only were all the dinner celebrations on our calendar, but Val taught a yoga class at the studio almost every day. By week's end, we were both exhausted from it all! Rather like the old days, I guess. We must re-learn how to balance what we could be doing with what we can, actually, do and still be upright at week's end. Don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining - it's so good that Val feels able to do the teaching, and she so enjoys it; but a happy medium of activity outside the house and inside the house would be ideal.

I am now on the home stretch of my Wednesday night class - only three more evenings to go - and I have worked my way into enjoying the learning. While it is a TOTAL drag to head out for a 5:30pm class on a winter's evening, I cannot deny that I am learning some interesting things about teaching, and that is good. I feel fortunate to have landed in this career at this stage of my professional life; I can bring my interest in communication into the classroom, while at the same time engage my brain with the "how" of teaching. There is so much to learn: planning effective lessons, managing the classroom dynamics, figuring out special assignments for those students who need extra help, and so on. As I said to Janet S. when I was having (my birthday) lunch with her on Monday, I really enjoy this work; it is not just a job I am doing.

I had been hoping to spend this long weekend up at the cottage, but that is not to be. Val has a yoga studio commitment, Yvonne is sick, and our car is making a noise that precludes highway driving (we must find the time to get it into the garage for a check up!). So. It's a city long weekend for me. Maybe a movie or two? Oh, and the Olympics are on, and we have discovered the wonder of Apple TV! Using the CBC Sochi app on our iPhones, we can stream that coverage onto the TV thanks to that little black box. I don't begin to understand the technology, but I certainly enjoy what it does for us.

I will also light a fire under Val to prepare another blog post; I know she's had several ideas percolating. It's "just" a matter of her having the right combination of time and energy to translate those ideas into coherent words on a page. Stay tuned.

My father, Colin, has been back on the hospital ward for a few weeks, but he has been making steady progress and, it seems, he will be going home on Tuesday (skipping the rehab ward, as there are no beds available there). Plans are in the works to ensure home care services will support Mum morning and evening, and the Tweddle clan continue to be fantastically supportive: Doug will help Mum bring Dad home. Fingers crossed it will all work out.  

Friday, January 31, 2014

In amongst the worry (by Amanda)

 Without planning it, life is busy again.

Val has taught a couple of morning yoga classes this week and that makes for a busier morning in our house as two of us try to beat the clock to get out of the door. She has really enjoyed being back in the studio, and the enthusiastic welcome she received from the students was heart warming and meaningful for her. Thank you. The bonus in this is that Val experienced physical fatigue by day's end that was not accompanied by that mind-numbing tiredness that, until only recently really, she had been experiencing by the evening. That's post-chemo progress. Val has two scans coming up next week - a CT and a MUGA.

On Tuesday evening, I gave a short presentation to a local gathering to mark the 26th anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision in the Morgentaler case. I was the "older" woman, invited to present my thoughts on the pro-choice movement over the past few decades; I was followed by a young woman who has only ever known abortion to be a legal and accessible medical procedure. It was a lot fun pulling together my thoughts and matching them with pictures, stories and facts. The event was a success, and I learned that I should never again try to manage a microphone, a presentation remote clicker, and cue cards in my two hands. Note to self: Ditch the cue cards and trust that I know my content enough to speak without those notes.

My night class on Wednesdays is moving along, but that evening commitment does require planning and juggling to incorporate meal preps. Val had wanted to go to the New Music Festival concert this past Wednesday evening, but ran out of juice: After all, she had her Herceptin treatment that afternoon and, while it is not that onerous, it nonetheless does take time and energy to get there, be there and then get home. We have tickets for this evening's final concert with music by Max Richter and Valentin Silvestrov; it should be good - as good as the festival opening concert that featured the Hilliard Ensemble. That was a fantastic evening of new music.

Underlying everything is the fact that Colin, my father, remains in hospital and is back on the ward after a relapse last week due to blacking out very early one morning. He is bearing up, but it's all dragging on longer than he would like and any of us wanted. One cannot worry continually, however, so this experience of having a loved one in the hospital for an extended time - new to my family - is, for me, an exercise in being aware and concerned without tipping over into constant worry bordering on anxiety. I suppose 'interesting' would describe the experience, although I'd be happy to have a bit of boring any day now.

Yesterday evening was lovely because Jacki and Eva brought over an early birthday cake and gift to kick off my birthday week with a surprise bang. It was great fun to be feted in advance of the actual day with yummy cake; and the books by Judith Kerr about her childhood in Germany, France and England during WWII are a very good read. Thank you Jacki, Erika and Eva! And it all continues with a dinner date on Saturday with Randa and Yvonne, and then I have a drinks date to organize with Susan (Tanqueray gin 'n tonic here I come!), and we hope to have dinner with the Schnitzers next Friday. Oh - and this is super great - my parents' gift to me arrived by post yesterday: Season 4 of...Downton Abbey. Yahoo! We'll begin watching that this weekend.

So in amongst the busyness of it all, there will be fun, love and laughter. Let it be so for you, too.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

And on it goes...

It continues to be very cold here in Winterpeg, but at least the sun is shining this morning.

Val's energy continues to come back. She has a Herceptin treatment this coming week, then two scans the following, and a meeting with Dr. Brandes the week thereafter.

Holly taking out her boredom on a
cardboard box. 
I am busy with teaching and course work for my evening class. I have signed up for a series of 10 Saturday afternoon yoga classes. The cats are very bored with the weather. I fantasize about shorts and sandals.

And so on and so forth. Life goes on.

Colin is still in the hospital and putting up with the doctors' and nurses' pokings and proddings (sp?) that come with an 88-year-old body that is no longer functioning at full capacity. My sister, Katy, being there this past week has been good for both Colin and Anne. Thanks again to the Tweddle clan for all the driving they have done.

My birthday on Feb. 6 is a bright spot on the horizon. Any and all creative wishes will be welcomed as a bit of a change in the current routine. I'll be turning 54, which means I'll be entering my 55th year. Good grief, how did that happen?

Hope you're hanging in with whatever weather and humdrum must-dos exist in your life.

Another post another time when there are more interesting things to say.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Chronicles from Cancer Land by Val


“Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position. 
But certainty is an absurd one.” 
Voltaire

I recently learned that the old adage “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” has a new meaning:  lemon juice is a cure for cancer. A friend of mine promised a well-meaning individual that she would tell me about this fantastic cure. Apparently, all I have to do is drink a glass of lemon juice a day and I can be certain that my cancer will go away.

Being a skeptical sort, I Googled it and discovered that the lemon juice cure has many important elements of a good scam. They are:

  • The proponents (whoever they are) fake an e-mail communication allegedly arising from a credible health institution, the Institute of Health Sciences in Baltimore, MD, as touting the dramatic curative effects of lemons.
  • They erroneously assume that credible research showing cancer cell killing properties of citrus fruit extracts in lab cultures can be generalized to human beings. This is not true. Many chemicals—natural and synthetic—have been shown to kill cancer cells in lab cultures but have shown no efficacy as actual cancer treatments.
  • The proponents prominently state that pharmaceutical companies are conspiring to keep this information secret while they develop a synthetic substance or drug with the same properties so that they can make millions off its sale.
The only thing that didn’t pop up in my Google search was the usual anecdotal claim by Aunt Millie about miraculously curing her cancer by drinking lemon juice. But, I’m sure that a deeper search would reveal such anecdotes.

I have received other suggestions, including a package of information on a Mexican Clinic touting CAM (Complementary and Alternative Medicine) treatment by doctors. While I acknowledge that the material was given to me by a very kind and well- meaning friend, I have a lot of difficulty with these types of clinics. I actually have a lot of concern and skepticism about CAM in general. I used to think that it was OK because, at the very least, it “couldn’t hurt”. But then, one of my students from the yoga class I taught for cancer patients came back from a Mexican clinic with severe kidney failure. She was in hospital for a long time and I found out that one of the herbs she was on in Mexico is widely known to cause kidney failure. The kidney failure contributed to poorer quality of life and, likely, to a shortening of her life. I have since learned of many problems and deaths associated with CAM. When these facts are set alongside the certainty expressed by CAM practitioners that their treatments will work, an important distinction between modern medicine and CAM emerges. Modern medicine admits its uncertainties and unknowns and tends to self-correct. CAM does not.

I have been reading Siddhartha Mukerjee’s book, The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer. Mukerjee won a Pulitzer Prize for it, and no wonder. This is a fascinating and beautifully written book and, while I’ll have more to say about it in another post, there is one thing from the book I’d like to share now that is relevant to the self-correction attribute of modern medicine. In the 1980’s, an oncologist in South Africa falsified his data concerning the efficacy of a particular breast cancer treatment. This treatment consisted of mega-dose chemotherapy followed by autologous bone marrow transplant. He presented data showing that the treatment offered 80% chance of remission. As a result, patients demanded this treatment, oncologists all over the world began using it, insurance companies were persuaded to pay for it and the patients died. After a short time, suspicious oncologists and researchers demanded to see the South African’s clinical data. He was exposed and those oncologists who had not already ceased using the treatment stopped immediately.

Modern medicine is not immune to the fallibility of human beings. Mistakes are made. But it has the capacity for self-correction, growth and the development of new knowledge.

Despite the fact that clinical trials and other research studies have been done on various CAM treatments and have shown no efficacy and even harm, CAM clings to them on the basis that they are holistic and natural. Their certainty is absurd.

I haven’t always been so skeptical. In the past, I have been persuaded to do various CAM therapies. The lemon juice hoax mentions avoiding the difficulties and sickness of chemotherapy. When my first cancer diagnosis occurred, I was definitely afraid of chemotherapy and, in my fear, accepted some naturopathic ideas that I should have known, given my scientific background, were suspect or just could not be true. Playing on the fear of chemo and other modern medical cancer treatments is a CAM tactic.

Fear was not the only thing that drove me to CAM. Mine was a complex situation. But, in my fear, I failed to carry out due diligence on understanding the state of cancer treatment at the time. Therefore, fear combined with ignorance, were big factors in my decision- making. I have resolved not to be as ignorant this time round. That is the reason I am reading The Emperor of All Maladies.

Besides fear and ignorance, another factor needs to be acknowledged—how we respond to certainty and uncertainty.

As well as being self-correcting, modern medicine is pretty honest about the chances of cure and remission. Oncologists don’t say, “just do this, and you will be cured” unless it is warranted. And, in the world of cancer, this does not happen very often. My oncologist said that with the treatment regime he was suggesting, I had a chance at longevity. This is pretty positive but it is hardly a statement of certainty. CAM practitioners, on the other hand, are sure that their treatments will work or at least that is what they tell their patients. Whether they do it deliberately or not, they tend to play on our fears of uncertainty.
Reflecting on the quote from Voltaire – “Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position. But certainty is an absurd one.” we need to ask ourselves how can we deal with the discomfort of uncertainty? This is our deep, existential question and mostly we just ignore it partly because it is so uncomfortable: We tend to accept the absurd rather than deal with the uncomfortable. Rife in our society, for example, are absurd notions about happiness as something we all deserve and have a right to, and about health and ageing that make it sound as if illness and degeneration were moral failures.

We are quick to take any good sign or test result as something that will eliminate uncertainty. But it won’t. It may be good news for now but only if we live as fully and with as much self-reflection, thoughtfulness and learning as we can everyday while not forgetting the reality of our transience.

One of my ways of dealing with uncertainty is to be skeptical of things that presume to be so certain. There are many categories of “certain” things. Many religious beliefs, New Age beliefs, UFOs and alien invasions, libertarianism, many philosophical ideas, humans cannot possibly alter the earth’s atmosphere, studies that supposedly  prove that girls and boys should be separately schooled, and on and on it goes. On and on…I better stop now before this turns from a blog post into a rant!!!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Memory lane

Today, I attended the memorial service for a friend and colleague of mine from my days at Ceridian. Gail died of cancer just 15 months after being diagnosed. The service was filled with stories and pictures of Gail. This prompted me to dig through my photos of the President Club trips she and I had worked on, along with our friend and colleague Janet. During that search, I came across this photo of Val, taken when she and I were in Mexico in February/March 1999. Gorgeous, eh? 

And while I'm wandering down memory lane, here's one of my favourite pics of my parents during a visit to our cottage on Lake Winnipeg. Of course, they are drinking tea. We always enjoy their company, and especially so at the cottage where we talk and eat and read and play Dominoes. Those days are likely over, but the memories are very sweet.
Dad is now well settled into the Rehab ward and doing what is demanded to get back home: walk to the lunch and dinner meals, submit to tests for this and that, and generally be a good patient. We talk with him frequently by phone and he continues to enjoy reading books and listening to the radio. Getting home is the objective, and a potential discharge date of February 3rd has been pencilled into the plans. Here's hoping that objective will be realized. 

Val is working on a new blog post. Stay tuned for that. 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Short Tuesday check-in by Amanda

A busy week in our house: 

  • I begin taking a night class on Wednesday; this is the second-last course in my Certificate in Adult Education program that every Red River College instructor must complete. I am looking forward to the learning (on course implementation), but I am not looking forward to the 5:30pm to 9:30pm class time! 
  • Val is continuing to feel her energy coming back, although it wanes by late afternoon. She is slated to teach a couple of yoga classes this month. That will be an interesting experience. I know she's looking forward to teaching in the new (gorgeous) studio at Yoga North. 
  • My father, Colin, has not yet gone home; instead he's moved to the rehab ward in the hospital. There he will regain his strength, and my mother, Anne, and he will learn just how much help is needed for him to be at home again - without compromising Anne's physical state. 
  • My sister Katy (formidable commenter on this blog) is planning to head to Edmonton for a week, which will be lovely for Colin and Anne. 
  • The cats have been going out a bit and they are enjoying that small freedom. 
  • Sounds like horrid weather is coming in tomorrow - higher temps and possible freezing rain. Yuck!