Friday, November 15, 2013

Chronicles from Chemo-Land: Guest Post #4


Hope and Fear   

For a long time now I’ve viewed the concept of hope with suspicion. My concern with the idea of hope probably started years ago when I began studying Buddhist psychology and philosophy. Hope, defined as the combination of desire and expectation, seemed to me to be a specific kind of clinging to a view of the future or a situation that may very well turn out differently from what one desired and expected. And, whether or not one got what one hoped for, one would definitely be distracted from living effectively with the current situation.

But, we all hope for things. Hope can be a way of saying that we wish the best for people. It would be churlish of us, for example, to not wish for a reduction of suffering and adequate aid to the people in the Philippines who have recently been hit by a devastating typhoon. We hope that they get help. We hope adequate aid arrives. Unfortunately, hope is not enough. In these circumstances, our hopes are empty if we don’t contribute something to the aid effort. So, we should not conflate “hoping” with contributing, thinking that our desires and expectations are enough to impact on a situation. Some view hope as a part of the “new age”, grandiose and misguided idea that we can change things ONLY through the “power” of our thoughts. But, enough of that…

Last Thursday I had a CT scan of my chest. The purpose was to try to determine the degree of cancer activity so that a decision can be made about how many more chemo treatments I might need. The oncologist said that since my blood work was very good and if the CT Scan was good, he would like to take me off chemo after four treatments. From the beginning, he had said that I would be looking at a range of 4 to 6 treatments, but originally he didn’t give me any criteria for making the decision. Now I know at least some of the criteria.

After the CT scan last week, I found myself expecting the results to be good enough to end chemo at four treatments; and, as I became consciously aware of this hope, I also noticed feeling fear and anxiety. Actually, it is probably more accurate to say that my feeling of unease made me recognize the hope lurking in my mind. There is no question but what these kinds of tests create anxiety. But, why should I make it worse with hope? I believe that hope will always create anxiety and/or fear. Since we are always living with uncertainty, why clutter the mind with hope and fear? Needless to say, easier said than done…

Turns out, I’m not alone in my opinion. The great 17th century philosopher Baruch (Benedict) Spinoza thought that hope was a negative state of mind. He thought that hope made us passive and prompted an uncritical acceptance of and obedience to the status quo. He felt that hope and its partner, fear, confined our views and understandings to narrow situations, disabling us from being engaged with the broader picture of ourselves in society and in nature. He said that, since hope harbored anxiety, it should not be a motivator for our actions.

Spinoza believed that to be active in the world in a positive way required that we call upon our innate desire to motivate ourselves to become self-aware, reflective and capable of critical thought. In the words of the Buddha, to “see things as they are”. Only then will we become effective moral agents capable of identifying our place in the larger community and world and capable of acting for its survival and betterment. Spinoza’s moral psychology was based on the conviction that reason and emotion, mind and body, humankind and nature were interdependent and inseparable. Hope only undermined being active in the world.

Which brings me to the thoughtful comment Katy (Amanda’s sister) made on my last post. If you click on the comment button you will see what she wrote. She amusingly exhorts me to not wind up on a mountaintop in some state of meditative bliss and I think she is exactly right when she says: “Amanda won’t like it!” But, as I understand it, the goal of self-reflection, contemplation or meditation isn’t to isolate oneself from the world and its problems; rather it is to become more part of the world and its problems. Indeed, it is common these days to hear the term “Engaged Buddhism”, which highlights the necessity of contributing to the broader community. I think the Buddha and Spinoza would have had some great conversations and I wouldn’t even be surprised if Marx would have thoroughly enjoyed their company too!

As I sit here this morning challenging my mind to think clearly and coherently, I am also looking out at a beautiful fall day full of sunshine, bright colours, shapes and reflections. I am amazed that I am here at all, that there is so much love in my life and I feel pretty good. So, I figure I can just abandon hope and go for a walk. But just in the neighborhood—not up the mountain.

1 comment:

klerougetel@sympatico.ca said...

Clearly, I have not paid enough attention to Spinonza. More coherence and relevant perspective in your guest-blog on what to do in order to do, my dear, than in the last day and a half of the Fédération des Femmes du Québec conference I have been attending. So afraid of conflict are they, that a clear discussion on the perfectly horrible Quebec Charter of Values has been buried in vague nothings on being Nice and Inclusive (are you for Good against Evil? then vote Yes). Life is dynamic, about conflict and resolution. Harmony is overrated. Excellent news you are preparing not for mountain top, but for neighborhood action.